Genetic Mutation: Problems in Eden, Part 2

In order to be able to pass on his vocal chord gene, chimpman would have to find a chimpwoman humanzee who had experienced the same genetic mutation (Would they be able to mate if he was vocal and she was bi-pedal?). Otherwise, he would be the first and last of his kind. Further, the best case scenario for propagation of the new humanzee species would have to be lots and lots of these humanzees. Otherwise, in-breeding would occur, and that probably would be bad. Who knows, a genetic mutation might occur and a humanzee would be born who was quadri-pedal, and had no vocal chords (Would that be classified as evolution?)

Beyond the difficulties with vocal chords, bi-pedalism would present its own set of challenges. Chimps use their knuckles for walking, and, thus, have entirely different kinds of hands and musculature than humans. Have you ever tried "walking on all-fours," using your knuckles as opposed to your palms or extended fingers?

How about trying to hang from a vine for a while? Chimps do that all the time; they can hang for a long time without any problem. Humans just do not have the right muscles for vine hanging. Male humans, having significantly more upper body strength than female humans, might get by for a while, but not for long. Neither sex, though, would get very far using their knuckles for walking.

So, when junior was born able to walk upright instead of on all fours, he was also born with a newly configured musculature. He also would have to have been born with a new neural system. Nerves that made the muscles and bones work for quadri-pedal movement would not work for bi-pedalism (Have you ever noticed how chimps of any age walking upright remind you of a small child learning to walk? They never get any better; babies do.). He would have required new kinds of joints, ligaments, muscles, and blood flow. Oh, and that strange looking big toe would have to go. What’s good for four feet is not what is required for two.

A different kind of balance is required, which four-footed chimps do not share with two-footed humans. Human equilibrium is a complex interaction which requires correct input from three sensory receptors — the inner ear, vision, and somatosensory, which is our contact with the earth as perceived by our feet, ankles, muscles and joints. All three signals must then be correctly received by our central nervous system. Then the cerebellum which is the motor control portion of the brain must execute the correct movement of our musculoskeletal system, so that we may maintain our center of gravity. If any one or several components of this complicated system do not work properly, then we will have a loss of surefootedness or movement coordination.

So, while junior was incubating and that mutation was taking place, not just one, but a whole host of genetic changes would have had to have occurred at one time. We might consider, by the way, that bi-pedalism implies changes other that genetic. For instance, diet would change. Since junior is now able to walk upright, he can get to fruit in some trees mom and dad chimp cannot reach. Also, he can go places to get food he could not go before. Perhaps, sadly, he’ll not be able to get to some food he’s enjoyed before, since walking upright limits his mobility in some cases.

But, can he eat all these new foods (Will his chimp digestive system accept new foods?)? Will he like raw food anymore? Will grubs loose their culinary attraction? How about cooking with fire? But, he’d have to kill some of his distant relatives in order to have a barbecue. Then, he might burn himself, and what would he do then?

If junior cuts himself badly, or is injured in other ways, what does he do? There are no chimp hospitals, no chimp doctors, no chimp first-aid. Of course, that’s why the life expectancy of chimps in the wild is only 35-40 years. In captivity, chimps might live to 60. In the "wild," human life expectancy is not much better than chimps. But, we don’t go into captivity to improve our life-expectancy, we develop more civilized, technologically advanced communities. As far as chimp "society" goes, sticks, twigs, and stones are the historical and present-day level of their technology. I am old enough to remember party-line telephone systems where calls were placed by an operator; then came dial phones; then touch-tone; now, cell phones.

In our highly advanced cultures, we use language to communicate, and we work together on a host of complex issues, thus, being able to improve life immeasurably. A minor burn or broken limb is generally not fatal for humans. A broken limb or other wound for a chimp can be and most likely would be fatal. Not only would infection lead to death, but neglect as well. Chimps don’t do well at caring for the sick. Ultimately, sick and injured chimpanzees are left to die. No neosporin.

In the same way, a chimp who all of a sudden stood upright all the time, or spoke instead of grunted, who had little body hair (Would he/she shave or perm what he/she did have? Would nudity produce embarrassment?), and who was not comfortable climbing vines and branches, indeed, lacked the muscles to do so, would be an outcast. He would have been left on his own, as soon as the mutations began to be expressed. He would have been a chimp no longer.

Dinah Washington sang, "What a difference a day makes." And, she was right. But, boy, what a difference 4 percentage points make in a genetic day.